They Mean a Healing of the Heart: Umarrah

April 13, 2020 Kate Belew with Umarrah (London)

There are worse sins than

our impulsive endeavors

but good luck explaining that to

them. They don’t think it’s worth anything.

I keep my pebbled in a jar on the shelf

next to the almost empty bottle of your cologne

and the jar of dried lavender that I never use but

I would never move a single thing, the consistent of my life and

my stubbornness. I gather them in my arms.

I don’t feel like much today. Yesterday I wanted to change the world

and today I want to stare at the ceiling.

See, today, I can make whole pictures with the cracks in the plaster

and I was always taught there is creativity in constraint.

It’s a serene kinda calm, to be okay with not knowing.

There are worse things than whatever is happening now

with saints and sinners all reduced to the same life,

but good luck explaining that to anyone.

I’ve been thinking, I prefer dried rose petals to lavender.

They mean a healing of the heart.

It’s practical – everyone breaks and heals their own heart everyday.

Gathered in the arms, my own impulsive endeavors

whether sinful or virtuous, who’s to say.