The Other Side of This: Lux Aeterna

March 18, 2020 Kate Belew with Lux Aeterna (New York)

They say April is the cruelest—

But every month this year is April

and the calendar hasn't agreed yet.

I forgot to make plans and then keep

them. I forget everything these days. 

When it rains, it pours, Aprils, and I

don't know yet if I believe in flowers. 

Flowers are proof of growth, proof

that even after Aprils survival arrives,

but flower petals don't exist yet, can't

when your soft skin is as far as May.

I hold the days in my palms like this. 

Waiting for just that, that proof. 

I remember notes I left myself under

rocks, sand, bark that said, hold on, 

wait, 

not yet.

Hibernate. Hope fast. Stillness before

stoned thrown ripples in April puddles.

Aprils and Aprils. Maybe other gifts come

before we touch. Already, the air is cleaner.

Already I am learning something new. 

We wait, and wait.

I turn April over now in my palm. 

The other side of this

is joy.